Carnivorous Geological Formations and Other Oddities of Nature

Hello lovelies! Thank you for stopping in to read about my new Short Story Bundles available as a digital download from my Etsy shop Wild Mountain Thyme Publications. 

This is a unique set of stories and so I have saved it until last to talk about. I have made a mock scientific journal that discusses several unusual occurrences that happen in the natural world. I have laid it out, not in the form of a story, but rather as if it truly were a scientific journal.  This story was a practice for my upcoming epistolary graphic novel which will be told in the form of letters, magazines, newspapers and emails. I am so excited to share this scientific journal with you! It is entitled CARNIVOROUS GEOLOGICAL FORMATIONS AND OTHER ODDITIES OF NATURE. 

In this scientific journal you will find the following articles:

The Furious Hill: Immortalized in the Nursery Rhyme Jack and Jill.

The Senile Old Oak Tree: A tree in Sherwood Forest with dementia.

The Clingy Vine: Why kudzu smothers everything in its path.

The Siren Call of Spanish Moss: How Spanish Moss is luring inebriated travellers to their death in rural Louisiana.  

The Ticklish Mountain: The true cause of rockfalls on Mount Kilimanjaro.

The Weepy Willow: A tree in Hertfordshire that cries when it hears church bells.

You can see the cover art here depicted as an issue of Geology Now magazine.

If you would like to take a look inside you can read the article The Weepy Willow below:

 

I hope this has whetted your appetite. If you fancy buying it just pop along to my shop at the link below or click on the green link on the side of the blog: 

WILD MOUNTAIN THYME SHOP

This listing is for the digital edition of CARNIVOROUS GEOLOGICAL FORMATIONS AND OTHER ODDITIES OF NATURE. As soon as you complete your purchase, you will be able to download the PDF of this journal. It's quick! It's easy! It's eco (no paper!) What are you waiting for? 

Thanks and happy reading!

Snow Child of Mine and Other Tales

Hello lovelies! Thank you for stopping in to read about my new Short Story Bundles available as a digital download from my Etsy shop Wild Mountain Thyme Publications. 

This is a bundle that retells three versions of Snow White entitled SNOW CHILD OF MINE AND OTHER TALES.  These stories were inspired by a dream about a snowman coming to life, books about organised crime in the East End of London and a biography of the Krays that a customer loaned me, and my Fairy Tale Friday blog where I was writing about different versions of Snow White and realised that there were very few with a male protagonist.     

In this bundle you will find the following stories:

Snow Child of Mine: A woman desperate for motherhood creates a daughter made of snow with fatal consequences.

Snitches Get Stiches: Jack the Giant Killer is interviewed by the police in conjunction with the death of East End club owner Mr ‘Snow’ White.

Snow Beard and Rose Red: Two refugees from the Kingdom of Frost and the Kingdom of Fire join forces.

You can see the cover art here depicting the story Snow Child of Mine:

 

If you would like to take a look inside you can read a small scene from Snitches Get Stitches below:

Snitches Get Stitches

DCI GRIMM: The date is Saturday the 23^rd of March 1991 and the time is 15:25. Present for this interview are DCI Grimm and Inspector Andersen. Please state your name for the tape.

JACK STRAW:  My name’s Jack Straw. Am I under arrest here? I wanna phone my solicitor.

INSPECTOR ANDERSEN: This is just a routine enquiry, Mr Straw. We’re talking to everyone who was in the nightclub last night.

JACK STRAW:  So I was in The Miners last night. Big deal. I didn’t see nothin’.

DCI GRIMM: Mr Straw, you are also known as ‘Jack the Giant Killer’, isn’t that so?

JACK STRAW:  Some people call me that, yeah.

DCI GRIMM:  And how did you earn this nickname?

JACK STRAW:  When I was livin’ in Cornwall a beanstalk fell on my house.

INSPECTOR ANDERSEN: And a giant, I believe.

JACK STRAW:  It was never proved that I chopped down that beanstalk. And if I did, why would I have it fall on my own house?

DCI GRIMM:  I believe you came into a rather large insurance settlement and used the money to buy yourself a business in London.

JACK STRAW:  Yeah, so? That don’t mean I killed that giant. Why are you askin’ me this? I thought we were here to talk about who tried to kill Mr White?

DCI GRIMM:  Quite right. How often did you frequent Mr White’s nightclub?

JACK STRAW:  I was a regular down The Miners. What can I say, the whiskey was cheap and the girls were hot.

I hope this has whetted your appetite. If you fancy buying them just pop along to my shop at the link below or click on the green link at the side of this blog: 

WILD MOUNTAIN THYME SHOP

This listing is for the digital edition of SNOW CHILD OF MINE AND OTHER TALES. As soon as you complete your purchase, you will be able to download the PDF of this bundle. It's quick! It's easy! It's eco (no paper!) What are you waiting for? 

Thanks and happy reading!

Tin and Other Tales

Hello lovelies! Thank you for stopping in to read about my new Short Story Bundles available as a digital download from my Etsy shop Wild Mountain Thyme Publications. 

This is a bundle reimagining three tales by Hans Christian Andersen entitled TIN AND OTHER TALES.  These poems and stories were inspired by a biographical film of Rudyard Kipling, Malcolm Pryce’s terrific Aberystwyth Noir crime series written in the style of Raymond Chandler and set in an alternate reality version of Aberystwyth, Wales where Druids are the mafia, and my obsession with the both The Wizard of Oz and murder ballads.     

In this bundle you will find the following stories and poems:

Tin: A retelling of The Steadfast Tin Soldier told in the style of Gunga Din by Rudyard Kipling.

The Princess and the P.I.: The Princess on the Pea told in the style of crime noir, based on The Maltese Falcon by Dashiell Hammett.

The Ruby Slippers: A mash-up of Andersen’s The Red Shoes and the 1939 film The Wizard of Oz told in the style of a 17th century murder ballad.

You can see the cover art here depicting the poem Tin:

If you would like to take a look inside you can read a small scene from The Princess and the P.I below:

The Princess and the P.I.

           Jack Sprat was long and bony with a cigarette perpetually smouldering between his yellow fingers. He had a metabolic disorder that meant he couldn’t digest fat which kept him whippet-thin with a hungry look in his eyes. It didn’t pay to look too hungry in this business, so he lost a lot of clients.

            Sprat had fallen into a bottle when his old lady split with the Knave of Tarts. Elsie never met a meal she didn’t like, and the Knave was a feeder.  It was a match made in Heaven, but it left Jack Sprat in Hell.

            He had a little office down a back alley no one ever visited in the Kingdom of Parterre. Even the neon sign was on the verge of giving up as it sleepily blinked ‘Sprat Investigations.’ He was a detective. A dick. A gumshoe. A private investigator.  And he was broke.

            It was a Tuesday and Sprat poured himself a shot of whisky for breakfast and folded the latest eviction notice into the shape of an aeroplane. There came the faintest of knocks on the door. He shouted to his secretary to answer it, but then he remembered that he’d fired her last week when she demanded a salary, so he downed the whisky in one gulp and went to answer it himself.

           He opened the door and there was a dame shivering in the rain which was no surprise as it was always raining in the Kingdom of Parterre. That’s why it was so green. The dame stood there dripping on the welcome mat in her wool coat. She lifted her head, and her blue eyes met his bloodshot ones.

I hope this has whetted your appetite. If you fancy buying them just pop along to my shop at the link below or click on the green link on the side of this blog: 

WILD MOUNTAIN THYME SHOP

 This listing is for the digital edition of TIN AND OTHER TALES. As soon as you complete your purchase, you will be able to download the PDF of this bundle. It's quick! It's easy! It's eco (no paper!) What are you waiting for? 

Thanks and happy reading!

Green Scales Fell like Rain and Other Tales

Hello lovelies! Thank you for stopping in to read about my new Short Story Bundles available as a digital download from my Etsy shop Wild Mountain Thyme Publications. 

This is a bundle of three tales about mythical beings entitled GREEN SCALES FELL LIKE RAIN AND OTHER TALES.  These tales were inspired by a book I read about a dragon, a very weird dream I had and my experiences working in a school in special measures and the stress that goes with constantly being scrutinised.   

In this bundle you will find the following stories:

Green Scales Fell Like Rain: A paranormal investigator from New York makes a visit to Atlanta Georgia to investigate the case of a possible dragon-human hybrid.

So Very, Very Hungry: A young waif comes out to feed.

The Epicure: An alien species that feeds on negative feelings provokes a gourmet feast.

You can see the cover art here depicting the story Green Scales Fell Like Rain:

 

If you would like to take a look inside you can read a small scene from The Epicure below:

The Epicure

     Mr. Klondike, or rather the creature who inhabited Mr. Klondike, surveyed the crowd. The children scooted on the wooden floor giving it a much-needed polishing and the teachers were listless in their chairs. It was hot. Scorching. If he wanted to eat, he would have to turn up the heat as well. He jutted out his hip and set himself up into the stance he liked to call ‘I’m a little teapot.’ This always drew a few murmurs from the teachers. Bingo! One by one like dominoes each teacher noticed so he milked it by bouncing up and down for a moment as if he were dancing to some inward music—probably by the Village People.  Then he flashed his wedding ring like a debutante showing off the engagement ring she had traded for her virginity and he saw several teachers shake their heads in disbelief. He took a deep breath and breathed in the glorious stench and began the assembly.

     “Good morning children,” he called out in a lilting voice.

     “Good morning Mr. Klondike,” they intoned back. Teachers shifted in their chairs. A few leaned forward. One leaned back.

     “Today we are going to talk about expensive things. Who can tell me some things that cost a lot of money?” Hands were raised and children were picked, seemingly at random, but he knew who would give the answers he craved.

     “Yes, cars, houses, holidays. All of these things cost a lot of money.”

     “Prostitutes,” whispered one teacher to another through the side of his mouth. The other teacher pressed her lips firmly together in an effort not to laugh which prompted a coughing fit. She left to go get a drink of water. Mr. Klondike smiled inwardly. This was just the sort of reaction he was hoping for. 

     “Here’s something else, children, that can cost a lot of money.” He pulled a bottle of perfume—the cheapest and smelliest Superdrug had to offer—out of his blazer pocket. He spritzed it over the crowd of eager faces in the first row. This elicited a few gasps from teachers.

    “Excellent,” he thought.

 I hope this has whetted your appetite. If you fancy buying them just pop along to my shop at the link below or click on the green link on the side of this blog:

 WILD MOUNTAIN THYME SHOP

 This listing is for the digital edition of GREEN SCALES FELL LIKE RAIN AND OTHER TALES. As soon as you complete your purchase, you will be able to download the PDF of this bundle. It's quick! It's easy! It's eco (no paper!) What are you waiting for? 

Thanks and happy reading!

Open Locks, Whoever Knocks and Other Tales

Hello lovelies! Thank you for stopping in to read about my new Short Story Bundles available as a digital download from my Etsy shop Wild Mountain Thyme Publications. 

This is a bundle of three versions of Goldilocks and the Three Bears entitled OPEN LOCKS, WHOEVER KNOCKS AND OTHER TALES.  These tales were inspired by thinking about the rules for setting a password, a dream I had about bears getting revenge and thoughts I had over my morning breakfast.   

In this bundle you will find the following stories:

Open Locks, Whoever Knocks: Teenage computer hacker Gold E Locs takes down Bearington Enterprises.

Payback: The Three Bears exact revenge on Goldilocks.

Going Against the Grain: Young Junior Oates recounts his family’s torture by a ruthless blond ‘cereal’ killer.

You can see the cover art here depicting the story Open Locks, Whoever Knocks:

 

 If you would like to take a look inside you can read a small scene from Open Locks, Whoever Knocks below:

   That morning at exactly 3 a.m., his phone rang. Unknown number, the screen said. He answered it but said nothing just like he had been trained to do. In his line of work, it was better to listen than talk. He was paid to be muscle.

            “$10,000. That’s how much it will cost,” purred the voice on the other end.

            “$10,000 for what?” he replied. He knew it was her.

            “$10,000 for whatever your boss wants me to do. That’s the going rate. Take it or leave it.”

           “I’ll talk to him. How can I contact you?” He knew it was a gamble. She was smart. Too smart.

             “No chance, Mr Roland Childe Knight the third. I’ll call you back in an hour.”

              “How did you know my name? How did you even get this number?”

              “Oh, please,” she laughed that throaty laugh again. You know what I’m capable of. Finding a little piss-ant like you is a piece of cake or a walk in the park or any of those other clichés. Talk to you in an hour. Oh, and don’t try to trace the call. I’ve got my phone routed through some poor bastard’s phone in China and I’ll change my source the minute we’re through. Ciao, baby.”

            It amazed him that she had been able to track him down in less than an hour, but then her skills were the stuff of legend. He immediately phoned his boss who agreed to the fee.

            “If I am going to take down Bearington Enterprises, I need ammunition. I’ve got the money ready. Meet her and do the deal.”

             “Yes sir, Mr Wolff.”

             “Oh, and Roland…I’m taking the cost of the paintwork repair out of your paycheque.”

 I hope this has whetted your appetite. If you fancy buying them just pop along to my shop at the link below or click on the green link on the side of this blog: 

 WILD MOUNTAIN THYME SHOP

 This listing is for the digital edition of  OPEN LOCKS, WHOEVER KNOCKS AND OTHER TALES. As soon as you complete your purchase, you will be able to download the PDF of this bundle. It's quick! It's easy! It's eco (no paper!) What are you waiting for? 

Thanks and happy reading!

About Face and Other Tales

 Hello lovelies! Thank you for stopping in to read about my new Short Story Bundles available as a digital download from my Etsy shop Wild Mountain Thyme Publications. 

This is a bundle of four tales about the future entitled ABOUT FACE AND OTHER TALES and is a collection of science-fiction stories that were inspired by reading some dystopian fiction, watching episodes of the Twilight Zone and a weird dream I had last Christmas. 

In this bundle you will find the following stories:

About Face: New patented high-tech silicone Better than Skin™ can give you all the facial expressions you require…but at a price.

Here in My Car: Cybernetic Police investigate a domestic disturbance.

Upgraded: A young bride refuses to be upgraded.

Boom-Bang-a-Bang: The Ministry of Population Control sends each household a box of Christmas crackers with a difference.

You can see the cover art here depicting the story About Face:

If you would like to take a look inside you can read the whole story of Upgraded below:

Upgraded

Myrtle glided up to the park bench.

“Have you heard, Gladys? Ethel’s daughter is finally getting hitched.”

“Really?” replied the other woman. “About time too. She’s not getting any younger, you know.”

“I know,” squeaked Myrtle. She pulled out a small oil can and dribbled a bit behind her creaky knee. “And you won’t believe this. Ethel says she’s getting married in white! White, I tell you!”

“Never!” gasped Gladys. Her cogs whirred in indignation. “White’s a terrible idea. She’ll dribble oil on the dress. It’ll be ruined.” She smiled with smug satisfaction.

“And that’s not the worst of it, Gladys. She’s still…” she paused, looked around and whispered, “virgo intacta.”

“What at her age? Surely she’s had some work done?”

Again, with the conspiratorial whisper. “None of it. Ethel says her daughter refused to be upgraded.”

“I don’t believe it,” Gladys said. A puff of steam escaped from a valve in the side of her head.

“It’s true. Hand on heart or hand on the machine that replaced my heart. Oh, you know what I mean.”

Gladys laughed like a rusty gate. “These young people and their new-fangled ideas.” 

I hope this has whetted your appetite. If you fancy buying them just pop along to my shop at the link below or click on the green link on the side of this blog: 

WILD MOUNTAIN THYME SHOP

 This listing is for the digital edition of ABOUT FACE AND OTHER TALES. As soon as you complete your purchase, you will be able to download the PDF of this bundle. It's quick! It's easy! It's eco (no paper!) What are you waiting for? 

Thank you and happy reading!

Wounds, Bookplates and Exciting News

Hello lovelies! It has been a little over a year since my first book Wounds: New Openings Into Old Stories was published. This book is a collection of fairy tales, folk tales and nursery rhymes retold through a feminist lens.

If you haven’t gotten a copy, you still can!

We are in lockdown, so there are many ways to order it through the post and have it delivered to you:

  You can buy it from Amazon UK, US and AUS. Print on Demand takes about a week because they have to actually print you a copy.   Links below:

AMAZON UK 

AMAZON US 

AMAZON AUS 

It should also available from Barnes and Noble US, Blackwell's UK and other online booksellers. 

If you prefer not to deal with big corporations or want a signed copy, then look no further than my online shop! Or if you already have a copy and would like it signed, bookplates are now available! Just visit my shop in the link below: 

WILD MOUNTAIN THYME PUBLICATIONS 

If you are local, you can buy directly from me and we can work out some sort of safely distanced exchange.

But I also have some exciting news to start off 2021.  I have been furiously working on some bundles of themed short stories and as of today, they are complete. Hoorah!  

 These bundles are a digital file so can be downloaded as soon as you have purchased them. No more paying for postage or waiting (im)patiently for your stories to arrive!

If you want to know more, stay tuned to this blog.  Every day this week I will do a blogpost about each bundle, tell you more about it, reveal the cover art and let you read a small excerpt. 

But if you just can't wait, then feel free to pop over to my shop in the link below.

WILD MOUNTAIN THYME PUBLICATIONS

Thanks you and happy reading!